{"title":"Morning Survival Vessels","description":"\u003cp\u003eStart Every Morning With Sarcasm.\u003c\/p\u003e","products":[{"product_id":"funny-kitchen-apron-bitch-it-s-me-i-am-the-secret-ingredient-retro-chef-gift","title":"Secret Ingredient Apron","description":"**THE RECIPE IS CLASSIFIED. THE VIBES ARE NOT.**\n\nYou cook with love, sarcasm, and an ironclad refusal to share your secrets. Carol from work has been trying to crack your recipe for three years. She will never know. This apron keeps your clothes clean and your culinary secrets locked the hell away where they belong.\n\nBecause the only thing better than a killer meal is watching everyone at the table wonder how the fuck you made it.\n\n**Product Details:**\n- 100% polyester canvas with foamed lining for softness\n- Stain-resistant surface — because cooking is war and war gets messy\n- Adjustable tie-back closure — fits most bodies\n- Vibrant, long-lasting print that won't fade like your patience for unsolicited opinions\n- One size (31.5\" × 25.6\") — five strap colors: black, white, beige, blue, pink\n\n**Product Care:**\n- Machine wash cold\n- Tumble dry low\n- Do not bleach\n- Do not iron directly on print","brand":"Printify","offers":[{"title":"One size \/ Black","offer_id":51984157704472,"sku":"45709153825227547835","price":44.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0982\/4603\/3688\/files\/11763681290030090862_2048.jpg?v=1776881170"},{"product_id":"chill-wine-tumbler","title":"Bitches Wine Tumbler","description":"**CHEERS, BITCH. YOU MADE IT THROUGH ANOTHER ONE.**\n\nLong week? Short fuse? Absolutely done with everyone's bullshit? Same. This tumbler was built for exactly that — double-walled, vacuum-sealed, and carrying the precise energy needed to get through whatever this week threw at you.\n\nElegant on the outside. Chaotic on the inside. Just like you.\n\n**Product Details:**\n- 18\/8 food-grade stainless steel — built to outlast your patience\n- 12oz stemless design\n- Double-wall vacuum insulated — cold up to 12 hours, hot up to 6\n- BPA-free press-on lid with slide closure\n\n**Product Care:**\n- Hand wash only\n- Do not microwave\n- Do not put in dishwasher","brand":"Printify","offers":[{"title":"White \/ 12oz","offer_id":51984197419288,"sku":"17443270873202137964","price":32.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0982\/4603\/3688\/files\/16314383847201686718_2048.jpg?v=1776883020"},{"product_id":"gleaming-bones-humor-cup","title":"Didn't Stab Anyone Today Mug","description":"**PERSONAL GROWTH IS A JOURNEY. TODAY, YOU DIDN'T COMMIT A FELONY.**\n\nAnd honestly? That's the win. Pour yourself a well-deserved cup of coffee, hold this mug with both hands, and sit quietly in the knowledge that you made it through another day with your record intact.\n\nProgress. Actual, measurable, beautiful progress.\n\n**Product Details:**\n- 15oz glossy white ceramic\n- Vivid, high-contrast print that keeps its edge over time\n- Microwave-safe\n- Dishwasher-safe\n- Comfortable C-shaped handle\n\n**Product Care:**\n- Dishwasher-safe or hand wash with warm soapy water\n- Microwave-safe for reheats\n- Do not use on rough surfaces that may scratch the print","brand":"Printify","offers":[{"title":"15oz","offer_id":51984220061976,"sku":"15100573428885799890","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0982\/4603\/3688\/files\/17658692856902716231_2048.jpg?v=1777315410"},{"product_id":"valentine-conversation-hearts-accent-mug-11oz-15oz","title":"Valentine Conversation Hearts Accent Mug","description":"**SAY IT WITH SARCASM. SAY IT WITH PASTEL HEARTS.**\n\nThis mug looks adorable. The message? Not so much. Soft pink interior, glossy white exterior, retro conversation hearts, and a sentiment that is absolutely not sweet. It's the mug for the person who wants to look cute while making their feelings perfectly, completely clear.\n\n**Product Details:**\n- Available in 11oz and 15oz\n- ORCA coating for fade-resistant, vibrant prints\n- Colored interior and handle accent — pink\n- Dishwasher-safe\n- Microwave-safe\n- C-shaped easy-grip handle\n\n**Product Care:**\n- Dishwasher-safe (top rack) or hand wash with warm soapy water\n- Microwave-safe for reheats\n- Do not use on rough surfaces that may scratch the print","brand":"Printify","offers":[{"title":"11oz \/ Pink","offer_id":51984227827992,"sku":"14321510755559798607","price":19.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"15oz \/ Pink","offer_id":51984227860760,"sku":"38666856760884115980","price":23.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0982\/4603\/3688\/files\/4402852911982955214_2048_1.jpg?v=1777311879"},{"product_id":"whats-in-the-cup-maybe-not-coffee-funny-stainless-steel-travel-mug","title":"Sadbucks Travel Mug","description":"**ONE LARGE MOCHA XANAX VODKA LATTE, PLEASE.**\n\nBecause caffeine alone stopped being enough about three Mondays ago. This 15oz stainless travel mug holds your drink — whatever the hell it is, no judgment — and keeps it at exactly the right temperature while you survive the commute, the meeting, and the whole damn day.\n\nWhat's in it? None of your business.\n\n**Product Details:**\n- 15oz double-wall vacuum-insulated stainless steel\n- BPA-free flip lid — screw-on, leak-resistant\n- Keeps hot up to 6 hours, cold up to 12\n- Fits most cup holders\n\n**Product Care:**\n- Hand wash only\n- Do not microwave\n- Do not put in dishwasher","brand":"Printify","offers":[{"title":"15oz","offer_id":52002097922328,"sku":"13778350474247113301","price":33.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0982\/4603\/3688\/files\/14494038103472466826_2048.jpg?v=1777316339"},{"product_id":"color-morphing-mug-attitude-reactivating-rotating-text-design-11oz","title":"Attitude Reactivating Color Changing Mug","description":"**BEFORE COFFEE: DEAD. AFTER COFFEE: DANGEROUS.**\n\nCold and completely dormant until hot liquid hits — then this color-morphing mug wakes right up into full chaotic glory. Same goes for you. Pour it. Become a functioning person. Repeat every single morning until further notice.\n\n**Product Details:**\n- 11oz color-morphing ceramic — design transforms when hot liquid is added\n- Black exterior and handle — moody until activated\n- Microwave-safe\n- Dishwasher-safe (top rack recommended)\n- C-shaped handle\n\n**Product Care:**\n- Top-rack dishwasher-safe or hand wash with warm soapy water\n- Microwave-safe for reheats\n- Do not use on rough surfaces that may scratch the print","brand":"Printify","offers":[{"title":"11oz","offer_id":52002104508696,"sku":"30293771497095890212","price":21.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0982\/4603\/3688\/files\/4637081319168974089_2048.jpg?v=1777316437"},{"product_id":"death-by-power-point-20oz-tumbler-cute-grim-reaper-coffee-travel-mug-for-office-workers","title":"Death by Power Point 20oz Tumbler","description":"**YOU SURVIVED ANOTHER DECK. POUR YOURSELF SOMETHING.**\n\nThe Grim Reaper on this tumbler isn't a threat — it's a tribute to your strength. Meeting after meeting. Slide after slide. You made it through every single one, and this 20oz stainless steel tumbler is here to hold your drink while you do it all over again tomorrow.\n\nYou've got this. (Barely, but still.)\n\n**Product Details:**\n- 20oz double-wall vacuum-insulated stainless steel\n- Keeps cold up to 12 hours, hot up to 6\n- BPA-free lid\n- Fits standard cup holders\n\n**Product Care:**\n- Hand wash only\n- Do not microwave\n- Do not put in dishwasher","brand":"Printify","offers":[{"title":"Silver \/ 20oz","offer_id":52002118336792,"sku":"31074708490904224625","price":32.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0982\/4603\/3688\/files\/7334786418686544849_2048.jpg?v=1777316609"},{"product_id":"raccoon-am-i-the-drama-accent-coffee-mug-11-15oz-ceramic","title":"Raccoon 'Am I the Drama?' Accent Coffee Mug — 11\/15oz Ceramic","description":"**SPOILER: A LITTLE BIT, YES. AND WE LOVE YOU FOR IT.**\n\nA hand-drawn raccoon staring into a mirror asking \"Am I the Drama?\" — a small, self-aware moment for everyone who already knows the answer but respects the process of asking. Comes in a gorgeous accent mug with a colored interior and handle so it looks cute while it calls you out.\n\n**Product Details:**\n- Available in 11oz and 15oz\n- Colored handle and interior accent — multiple color options\n- ORCA coating for fade-resistant prints\n- Dishwasher-safe\n- Microwave-safe\n- C-shaped handle\n\n**Product Care:**\n- Dishwasher-safe (top rack) or hand wash with warm soapy water\n- Microwave-safe for reheats\n- Do not use on rough surfaces that may scratch the print","brand":"Printify","offers":[{"title":"11oz \/ Black","offer_id":52002160017688,"sku":"25464478698724268792","price":19.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"11oz \/ Navy","offer_id":52002160050456,"sku":"45369622195987378418","price":19.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"11oz \/ Pink","offer_id":52002160083224,"sku":"30014741471373178455","price":19.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"11oz \/ Red","offer_id":52002160115992,"sku":"10525220141090525653","price":19.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"11oz \/ Light Blue","offer_id":52002160148760,"sku":"56962198074004954561","price":19.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"11oz \/ Orange","offer_id":52002160181528,"sku":"88344470514644167323","price":19.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"11oz \/ Purple","offer_id":52002160214296,"sku":"12444290961336256567","price":19.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"11oz \/ Yellow","offer_id":52002160247064,"sku":"59303853083335032749","price":19.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"11oz \/ Light Green","offer_id":52002160279832,"sku":"24023002750638750810","price":19.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"15oz \/ Black","offer_id":52002160312600,"sku":"32132222740902227795","price":22.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"15oz \/ Navy","offer_id":52002160345368,"sku":"10744464659427657475","price":22.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"15oz \/ Pink","offer_id":52002160378136,"sku":"60251333300367110628","price":22.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"15oz \/ Red","offer_id":52002160410904,"sku":"29225272133238229509","price":22.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"15oz \/ Light Blue","offer_id":52002160443672,"sku":"57310305502182273470","price":22.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"15oz \/ Orange","offer_id":52002160476440,"sku":"22711316156922261056","price":22.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"15oz \/ Purple","offer_id":52002160509208,"sku":"16514767824550352167","price":22.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"15oz \/ Yellow","offer_id":52002160541976,"sku":"22405827369332837198","price":22.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0982\/4603\/3688\/files\/17496491159214933037_2048.jpg?v=1777317145"},{"product_id":"oh-for-fox-sake-ceramic-mug-funny-cute-fox-coffee-cup-11oz-15oz","title":"Oh, For Fox Sake Ceramic Mug","description":"**THE POLITE WAY TO SAY EXACTLY WHAT YOU MEAN.**\n\nWiFi's down. Coffee maker's making a noise it's never made before. Someone's already emailed you three times and it's not even 8am. Oh, for fox sake. This glossy ceramic mug delivers the message politely enough to put on your desk and slyly enough that everyone gets it. The adorable fox makes it worse. In the best possible way.\n\n**Product Details:**\n- Available in 11oz and 15oz\n- 100% glossy white ceramic — crisp and durable\n- Dishwasher-safe\n- Microwave-safe\n- Comfortable C-shaped handle\n\n**Product Care:**\n- Dishwasher-safe or hand wash with warm soapy water\n- Microwave-safe for reheats\n- Do not use on rough surfaces that may scratch the print","brand":"Printify","offers":[{"title":"11oz","offer_id":52002161754392,"sku":"83484468306961551021","price":19.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"15oz","offer_id":52002161787160,"sku":"78586053386777156613","price":22.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0982\/4603\/3688\/files\/f0ca941c-1198-47d2-a4e5-a6c9ea691384.jpg?v=1777476153"},{"product_id":"funny-fresh-out-of-fucks-ceramic-mug-11oz-15oz","title":"Fresh Out of Fucks  Mug — 11oz \u0026 15oz","description":"**CHECKED THE INVENTORY. COMPLETELY OUT. NOT EVEN ON BACKORDER.**\n\nThis is the mug that started it all. Bright, unapologetic bubble letters — \"Fresh out of Fucks\" — with a melting smiley that captures that specific vibe of being completely and genuinely tapped out. Not angry. Not sad. Just beautifully, honestly empty.\n\nStart the day with fresh brewed sarcasm.\n\n**Product Details:**\n- Available in 11oz and 15oz\n- 100% glossy ceramic — vibrant, durable\n- Dishwasher-safe\n- Microwave-safe\n- Comfortable C-shaped handle\n\n**Product Care:**\n- Dishwasher-safe or hand wash with warm soapy water\n- Microwave-safe for reheats\n- Do not use on rough surfaces that may scratch the print","brand":"Printify","offers":[{"title":"11oz","offer_id":52002167259416,"sku":"21686851092707308998","price":19.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"15oz","offer_id":52002167292184,"sku":"19566377701758659955","price":22.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0982\/4603\/3688\/files\/6908c9dd-703f-4ea0-b6fe-cbb6907ac585.png?v=1777475983"},{"product_id":"kiss-my-whole-ass-hidden-message-mug","title":"Kiss My Whole Ass Hidden Message Mug","description":"**LOOKS INNOCENT. IS ABSOLUTELY NOT.**\n\nFrom across the room it's a cheerful, colorful pattern. Up close, tilted just right — it says exactly what you think it says. A private joke between you and whoever's paying attention. Plausible deniability with your morning coffee.\n\nThis is the mug you CAN bring to work. Barely.\n\n**Product Details:**\n- 11oz ceramic with colored handle and interior\n- Hidden message revealed when tilted\n- Multiple handle\/interior color options\n- ORCA coating for fade-resistant prints\n- Dishwasher-safe\n- Microwave-safe\n\n**Product Care:**\n- Dishwasher-safe (top rack) or hand wash with warm soapy water\n- Microwave-safe for reheats\n- Do not use on rough surfaces that may scratch the print","brand":"Printify","offers":[{"title":"11oz \/ Black","offer_id":52002184429848,"sku":"30239443965813695080","price":19.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"11oz \/ Navy","offer_id":52002184462616,"sku":"59352288975715056994","price":19.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"11oz \/ Pink","offer_id":52002184495384,"sku":"19993853959301787385","price":19.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"11oz \/ Red","offer_id":52002184528152,"sku":"16248615301656507249","price":19.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"11oz \/ Light Blue","offer_id":52002184560920,"sku":"10522852115594343498","price":19.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"11oz \/ Orange","offer_id":52002184593688,"sku":"32695134994090517871","price":19.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"11oz \/ Purple","offer_id":52002184626456,"sku":"21283171128376432836","price":19.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"11oz \/ Yellow","offer_id":52002184659224,"sku":"15026399585185508561","price":19.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"11oz \/ Light Green","offer_id":52002184691992,"sku":"66784983913209246856","price":19.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0982\/4603\/3688\/files\/13375601754911072889_2048.jpg?v=1777323155"},{"product_id":"wtf-am-i-doing-coffee-mug-funny-black-ceramic-mug-11oz-15oz","title":"WTF Am I Doing Coffee Mug — Funny Black Ceramic Mug (11oz, 15oz)","description":"**VALID QUESTION. TRULY.**\n\nWhether you're 23 and just discovered adulting is a complete scam, or 45 and still haven't cracked the code — this mug meets you exactly where you are. Bold, high-contrast typography. Zero judgment. Maximum solidarity.\n\nPour the coffee. Accept the chaos. Carry the fuck on.\n\n**Product Details:**\n- 11oz glossy white ceramic with bold black graphic panels\n- High-contrast typography — crisp and unflinching\n- Dishwasher-safe\n- Microwave-safe\n- Comfortable C-shaped handle\n\n**Product Care:**\n- Dishwasher-safe or hand wash with warm soapy water\n- Microwave-safe for reheats\n- Do not use on rough surfaces that may scratch the print","brand":"Printify","offers":[{"title":"11oz","offer_id":52002278605080,"sku":"28032170913763221424","price":21.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0982\/4603\/3688\/files\/cadb1379-ef15-4da8-b3bb-47cf87fd22c6.jpg?v=1777476037"},{"product_id":"inspirational-quote-ceramic-mug-colorful-gradient-i-am-responsible-motivational-coffee-cup-11oz-15oz","title":"Not Responsible For My Face Mug","description":"**WHAT YOU SEE IS WHAT YOU GET. THE FACE DOES NOT LIE.**\n\nYour face has been trying to tell people things for years. Politely. Professionally. They didn't listen. This mug is the official diplomatic notice that you are not, and have never been, responsible for what your face does when people say stupid shit.\n\nIt's not rude. It's just honest.\n\n**Product Details:**\n- 11oz glossy ceramic\n- Dishwasher-safe\n- Microwave-safe\n- Comfortable C-shaped handle\n\n**Product Care:**\n- Dishwasher-safe or hand wash with warm soapy water\n- Microwave-safe for reheats\n- Do not use on rough surfaces that may scratch the print","brand":"Printify","offers":[{"title":"11oz","offer_id":52002318123288,"sku":"25673786955897986281","price":21.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0982\/4603\/3688\/files\/07e61a8c-e296-4797-93e4-6810c86d4744.jpg?v=1777475892"}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0982\/4603\/3688\/collections\/07e61a8c-e296-4797-93e4-6810c86d4744.jpg?v=1777476407","url":"https:\/\/wickedlotus.shop\/collections\/mugs.oembed","provider":"Wicked Lotus Shop","version":"1.0","type":"link"}