{"title":"Domestic Chaos HQ","description":"\u003cp\u003eYour Kitchen. Your Rules. Your Attitude.\u003c\/p\u003e","products":[{"product_id":"funny-kitchen-apron-bitch-it-s-me-i-am-the-secret-ingredient-retro-chef-gift","title":"Secret Ingredient Apron","description":"**THE RECIPE IS CLASSIFIED. THE VIBES ARE NOT.**\n\nYou cook with love, sarcasm, and an ironclad refusal to share your secrets. Carol from work has been trying to crack your recipe for three years. She will never know. This apron keeps your clothes clean and your culinary secrets locked the hell away where they belong.\n\nBecause the only thing better than a killer meal is watching everyone at the table wonder how the fuck you made it.\n\n**Product Details:**\n- 100% polyester canvas with foamed lining for softness\n- Stain-resistant surface — because cooking is war and war gets messy\n- Adjustable tie-back closure — fits most bodies\n- Vibrant, long-lasting print that won't fade like your patience for unsolicited opinions\n- One size (31.5\" × 25.6\") — five strap colors: black, white, beige, blue, pink\n\n**Product Care:**\n- Machine wash cold\n- Tumble dry low\n- Do not bleach\n- Do not iron directly on print","brand":"Printify","offers":[{"title":"One size \/ Black","offer_id":51984157704472,"sku":"45709153825227547835","price":44.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0982\/4603\/3688\/files\/11763681290030090862_2048.jpg?v=1776881170"},{"product_id":"weirdos-unite-cotton-canvas-tote-bag","title":"Weirdos Unite! 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Which, honestly, is ideal because small talk is exhausting and you've got better things to do.\n\nDurable, spacious, and deeply unapologetic about what it says.\n\n**Product Details:**\n- 100% heavy 12 oz\/yd² cotton canvas\n- Flat-corner construction keeps contents organized\n- Reinforced stitching handles — for people who carry too much (emotionally and physically)\n- Available in natural and black\n- 15\" × 16\" with 20\" handle length\n\n**Product Care:**\n- Spot clean\n- Line dry\n- Do not bleach\n- Do not iron on print","brand":"Printify","offers":[{"title":"Natural \/ 15\" x 16\"","offer_id":51984211640600,"sku":"10842056740473139901","price":21.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 15\" x 16\"","offer_id":51984211673368,"sku":"97375094871060056503","price":21.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0982\/4603\/3688\/files\/3365718160435515697_2048.jpg?v=1776883075"},{"product_id":"funny-hands-off-this-lunchbox-canvas-lunch-bag-with-strap-punny-fork-joke","title":"Hands Off This Lunchbox! 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Your food is safe, your dignity is intact, and Karen finally got the message.\n\n**Product Details:**\n- 100% natural cotton canvas — built for daily use, not your coworker's sticky fingers\n- Roll-top closure with hook-and-loop tape — your lunch stays put\n- Convenient carrying strap — hands-free, stress-free\n- Vibrant, long-lasting printed design\n- 8\" × 12.5\" × 5.5\" — fits a full meal and a drink\n\n**Product Care:**\n- Spot clean\n- Air dry\n- Do not bleach\n- Do not iron on print","brand":"Printify","offers":[{"title":"8\" x 12.5\" x 5.5\" \/ Natural","offer_id":51984217604376,"sku":"44597767741505656425","price":25.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0982\/4603\/3688\/files\/14018761645529779394_2048.jpg?v=1776883306"},{"product_id":"sassy-retro-kitchen-tea-towel-confident-kitchen-confession-cotton-poly","title":"Bitch, I AM the secret ingredient Tea Towel","description":"**THE KITCHEN HAS SPOKEN. YOU ARE THE MAGIC.**\n\nAnd you don't share the recipe. Ever. This sassy kitchen tea towel hangs by the sink and states what you've always known — you're not just cooking, you're performing a goddamn art form and people are lucky to eat it.\n\nBold. Cheeky. Absolutely correct.\n\n**Product Details:**\n- Cotton\/poly blend — lightweight and absorbent\n- 18\" × 30\" — fits standard oven handles\n- Bold retro print on one side\n- Hemmed edges for durability\n\n**Product Care:**\n- Machine wash cold\n- Tumble dry low\n- Do not bleach\n- Do not iron on print","brand":"Printify","offers":[{"title":"Cotton Twill \/ 18\" × 30\"","offer_id":52002181415192,"sku":"43485215341497576424","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0982\/4603\/3688\/files\/16894558087519324235_2048.jpg?v=1777317524"},{"product_id":"idk-i-just-work-here-retro-floral-tea-towel","title":"IDK I Just Work Here Retro Floral Tea Towel","description":"**SOMEONE'S ASKING QUESTIONS AGAIN. COMPLICATED ONES.**\n\nAbout the budget, the process, the decision that went sideways last Tuesday — and honestly? IDK. I just work here. This retro floral tea towel hangs over your oven handle and gives the most universally relatable answer in the history of human employment.\n\nNot my circus. Not my monkeys. Not my problem.\n\n**Product Details:**\n- Cotton\/poly blend — lightweight and absorbent\n- 18\" × 30\" — fits standard oven handles\n- Retro-inspired lettering with pastel floral design\n- Hemmed edges for durability\n\n**Product Care:**\n- Machine wash cold\n- Tumble dry low\n- Do not bleach\n- Do not iron on print","brand":"Printify","offers":[{"title":"Cotton Twill \/ 18\" × 30\"","offer_id":52002182693144,"sku":"95597638235139342949","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0982\/4603\/3688\/files\/9878118018786150520_2048.jpg?v=1777317532"},{"product_id":"get-out-of-my-kitchen-red-tea-towel-sassy-kitchen-decor","title":"GET OUT of My Kitchen Tea Towel","description":"**THE BOUNDARY HAS BEEN SET. IT'S HANGING ON THE OVEN.**\n\nThis is your kitchen. Your rules. Your recipe. And whoever's hovering near the stove asking what's for dinner needs to read this towel and act accordingly. Vivid red background, distressed black lettering, and a message that reads clearly no matter how it's hanging.\n\nThe perimeter is enforced. Act accordingly.\n\n**Product Details:**\n- Cotton\/poly blend — lightweight and absorbent\n- 18\" × 30\" — fits standard oven handles\n- Bold \"GET OUT of my kitchen\" design — reads both ways when hung\n- Hemmed edges for durability\n\n**Product Care:**\n- Machine wash cold\n- Tumble dry low\n- Do not bleach\n- Do not iron on print","brand":"Printify","offers":[{"title":"Cotton Twill \/ 18\" × 30\"","offer_id":52002183774488,"sku":"10584837344786948398","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0982\/4603\/3688\/files\/16495549930883984041_2048.jpg?v=1777317542"}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0982\/4603\/3688\/collections\/16495549930883984041_2048.jpg?v=1777476499","url":"https:\/\/wickedlotus.shop\/collections\/accessories.oembed","provider":"Wicked Lotus Shop","version":"1.0","type":"link"}